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 If nothing is going well, call your grandmother.  ~Italian Proverb

Grandmothers always have time to talk and make you feel special.
Catherine Pulsifer 

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My Grandma has this 6th sense about me i swear. Last night she called to "see if i was ok"...


Grandma- "So how are things, mija?"
Me- ::holds back tears:: "I don't know...."
Grandma- "You don't know? That doesn't sound like the Renee i know...the Renee i know knows everything she wants..."

AFter that i lost it. I cried and confessed how i've been unhappy lately...and how confused i was because it's not like me. It's funny how after telling her everything...she simplified my whole life and i felt like a jackass. Why do i always make things complicated? You'd think i'd learn the first 2307598750293847354958 times. 
That's why i put up those quotes...my grandmother has this  way of lifting me up when no one else can. Mom and Daddy seem to have a negative influence on me...but it all gets broken with a talk from her. 

Fear. Ever since i started college... It rules my life. Enough is enough. I can't live like this anymore. I'm not myself and i hate it. This isn't the person i wanted to be. The person i KNEW i could be. I feel like i'm in a bubble that i can't get out of. And what makes it even worse is the fact that i tell my parents i'm not happy and all they can say is..."Well just graduate and we'll figure things out." 

I want to make a change. I NEED  a change. i can't BREATHE here. These four walls are all too familiar. I'm becoming this monster that i never knew existed. Enough. I can feel my old self growing more and more distant by each passing day. Enough. Today is the day i make it different. 

It's a new dawn.
It's a new day.
It's a new life.

Enough. 

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" When you want your goal badly enough, feel the intensity of it, let it fuel your waking thoughts and actions, let it influence you in all ways possible and let nothing get in the way of achieving it."
Written in 2008 by Kimerly Adamson --- New Zealand


We spend our entire life wondering why we didn't do this and didn't do that, YOU ARE NOT DEAD! Maybe we did not accomplish something in the past but who says you can't do it now?

 On January 5th, I, Amy Renee Hernandez...saw my first shooting star. 

It was amazing...

...and yes...i DID make a wish...

::crosses fingers::

"...i wish i may...i wish i might...have the wish i wish tonight..."

xoxo
Amabilis Amy

maybe it's all in my head....

think it was something you said....


i understand some things will never change.

"Back in the day when things were cool"

 

It's been too long journal...i've missed you.

Things have gotten better...thank God October is over. 

Band pretty much screwed me over this year...gettin paid late...not getting paid enough. ugh. Maybe he does this on purpose because he knows i won't do a damn thing about it. Again, thank God this Friday is the last game. 

ahhhh "Orange moon" is playing right now...this song always reminds me of Thomas...
I miss him so much. I hate this. Almost all my days have been wasted on daydreaming about him. I really want to make this work. It's definitely not a perfect relationship, but it's been amazing so far. I really am blessed to have him.  AAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH someone get me to Austin...STAT!

"I'm an orange moon, i'm brighter than before, 
brighter than ever before, 
I'm an orange moon,  reflecting the light of my sun"



Grampa is teaching me guitar. I'm so scared, honored, and excited at the same time. 

my Grandma: "So many people have asked him for lessons, and he always says "no", pero he WANTS to teach you. He says you are "special"."

(In my head): "awww! =) ::suddenly realizes all the pressure:: oh fuck. 

I had my first lesson with him today. I most definitely have my work cut out for me. By next lesson i have to have all my major stuff down, because we'll be moving on to 7ths and minor, then rotations. Oh damn. Lets hope this goes well.



I feel a bit overwhelmed with practicing. These are the things i need to practice...
-Piano
-O del mio amato ben
-Eurydice
-Silent Noon
-che faro
-guitar (major)
-baritone


.....we should vote to make days longer. We should at least have 48 hours in one day...just to get everything done. That would make my life SO much easier. ah.

This weekend was fun! 

Friday-school/friends/ dinner with family....it was really nice

Saturday- Pan de Campo competition with family (SO MUCH FUN!), Nena picked me up to go see Ruben's baby, Eli Alexandro, the cutest baby in the world...had dinner with the lovely couple, Nena and Cyn, picked up some ice cream and LYDIA!!! Then headed back to Nena's house...lots of laughs...good music...one OK movie...lots of CUTE PETS! and most definitely LOTS OF BONDING WITH HER FAMILY! haha they're awesome.   

Sunday- Family BBQ with grandparents...good food, football and family. What more could you want?


Ok i know its lame...but i totally wanted to cry when Sabrina got eliminated from Dancing with the Stars....SHE DIDN'T DESERVE TO GO! =(  
I hope they eliminate the old lady next....or Marie...they deserve to go!
I hope the latino race car driver or Scary Spice wins!!!!


ok...off to eat dinner and shower! Good bye!!!!

flippin idiots.






Don't people have better things to do?

"Jai guru deva om"

 You know what? NOTHINGS GONNA CHANGE MY WORLD!
No matter what, i will NOT let this get in the way. Focus on school. Focus on finishing. That degree holds the ticket to my freedom and TRUE happiness. 
p.s. i love you Thomas =)

Ay speaking of him...Thank GOD he's my boyfriend! Not even...thank GOD i have him to talk to! He's been so wonderful this past week...putting up with all the bullshit in my life and being ok with it. Olive Juice, buby, olive juice.

So career wise... 

I can't decide what makes me more happy...

Teaching and watching my students grow
or
Singing/performing

I love singing in Choir. I could never even begin to explain the feeling i get when every note just melts together. Every swell, every consonant, every chord just makes my heart surge with admiration. I've gotten so much better at singing soprano...i sang a high b natural today and it was fantastic...I'll work my way up to that high C....gimmie time...I can't deny my classical choral music.  It's definitely apart of me.(Yes, Franz Schubert, even though you died of syphilis i still love you) I just wish i could have some sort of musical/theater/jazzy outlet...

But on the other hand...i love to see the kids every week...i love to hear their stories, and see them grow as musicians AND people. I see so much of myself in most of them. I want them to develop that musical exit from real life and just create and hone their talent. I'll put up with late checks and rude people if it means i get to be around my kids. I love you guys!

Anyway...

I ran into Obdulia today. I missed that girl so much! We spent about two class periods just catching up...it was wonderful. 

I also got a RANDOM phone call from Corina! haha We'll finish our conversation ONE day...haha




Ok...so with all the hype from Across the Universe....i have to write about the SONG...

I've ALWAYS loved this song for some reason...ever since i was little it would put in a calming trance. My ultimate favorite Beatles song. And for your viewing pleasure...the lyrics. 


"Across the Universe"

Words are flying out like
endless rain into a paper cup
They slither while they pass
They slip away across the universe
Pools of sorrow waves of joy
are drifting thorough my open mind
Possessing and caressing me

Jai guru deva om
Nothings gonna change my world
Nothings gonna change my world
Nothings gonna change my world
Nothings gonna change my world

Images of broken light which
dance before me like a million eyes
That call me on and on across the universe
Thoughts meander like a
restless wind inside a letter box
they tumble blindly as
they make their way across the universe

Jai guru deva om
Nothings gonna change my world
Nothings gonna change my world
Nothings gonna change my world
Nothings gonna change my world

Sounds of laughter shades of life
are ringing through my open ears
exciting and inviting me
Limitless undying love which
shines around me like a million suns
It calls me on and on across the universe

Jai guru deva om
Nothings gonna change my world
Nothings gonna change my world
Nothings gonna change my world
Nothings gonna change my world
Jai guru deva
Jai guru deva 

What are YOUR kids watching?

 So...last night i stayed up till about 3 a.m. watching Requiem for a Dream. A surprisingly intriguing movie....
Tonight i finally got to see Pan's Labyrinth. 

And after watching that, i was whisked back to my childhood. I remember watching Labyrinth with David Bowie and being so disturbingly fasinated. I fell in love with the story, the characters, and the aesthetic  point of view. But, why show this to an 8 year old? Why are most all of our childhood stories and nursery  rhymes so sinister? 
Another movie that blew me away was Legend with Tom Cruise (1985) Another movie with cliche 80's music and typical plot with "good v. evil" but nonetheless, a good movie. I didn't know this but apparently The Lord of Darkness was played by Tim Curry! I never would've guessed...

Anyway...back to my point...
Has America become so P.C. and overprotective that we can't even show cartoons anymore that show violence? I heard some people made a motion to redo all the old Looney Toons cartoons to remove any type of smoking because it negatively influenced today's youth.  Give me a break. What they need to do is have the parents show their kids right from wrong. Parents today LOVE to blame everyone else for their children's problems. If your kid is causing a scene at the grocery store, DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT! Don't just stand there and wait for the kid to figure it out! Unlike most creatures in the world, we are only born with SOME natural instincts. Parents are the foundation of children. Figure it out, mom and dad!

ok so that was my rant for today.
GO WATCH THOSE MOVIES IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THEM YET!



The pressure of perfection is weighing heavily on me right now. 

Be the perfect daughter, Amy. 

Everyone is watching.


I'm only me, what do i do?

 

"She shimmers like a California Sunset..."

So, raise your hand if you're ready for the fall semester!!!! 

Yeah i thought so. 

I have SO much to update on...but to make it short and simple for your on-the-go lives....

-Quit Applebees (thank God)
-Workin with EHS again (thank God)
-School starts in about an hour for me
-Tour was AMAZING
-slowly learning Baritone
-have a toothache the size of Alaska
-have LOVE-ish emotions
-no longer a "freshmen"
-might move to Austin (still working out bugs)
-SO IN LOVE WITH SUPERBAD

thats just the tip of the ice burg but what can you do under a time limit?

I'll probably update more tonight...it's a long story...

i need to get ahold of District Choir music like NOW.

xoxo
Amy Le Singer


7-7-07

ok ok all the hype of 7-7-07 i have to admit is AMAZING! PLUS its my lucky number =) but today didn't feel that lucky to me. 

-So to start the day off i had to work...lame. 

-On the bright side....i got to see *S.A.N.D*.... but that turned out to be a bittersweet experience. Which left me completely bothered on the drive home. I can understand pulling back to save yourself from FEELING something...but...theres something about this one that makes me want to know more...and my heart knows better...he's not the one...he WON'T make me happy and to top it all off...he'll be leaving VERY soon. So whatever we shared was just shot to hell. Ok fate...whats next? Or better yet...WHO'S next?

-Went to go see Daddy and the Wednesday Club at the Cook-off ...stuff my face with festival "junk food".

-Got a raspa with my mommy and ran some errands 

-came home to watch some T.V. with the rents (they complain i don't spend enough time with them)

-some much needed computer time



I had been wanting to talk about this for a while...is it just me or is a guys cologne a MAJOR factor of attraction?
I hate to prove the "axe effect" correct but...it never fails, whenever i'm around a guy that SMELLS appealing to me, i seem to pass by them more and start conversations or stall to be around them longer...i know TOTALLY LAME...but it happens. 
I think it goes back to the boyfriend factor...the holding...my face buried in his chest...inhaling his scent...then hours after being apart...i lay in bed and can still smell him on me. When in love, this is a major comfort. Me and Cyn had a whole intellectual conversation on this...that it all goes back to animal instincts...the whole butt sniffing thing but a little bit more refined. haha

ok enough of that...

Erykah Badu is my new infatuation. i have yet to find a song of hers that i DON'T like. 
The song that has me hooked at the moment is "Orange Moon". Go listen to it. It's the ultimate mellow down song. 


oh yeah and TRANSFORMERS is an amazing movie...by the end of it i wanted to BE  a transformer! haha!

ok totally random but does anyone remember the little tune that the dude from Power Rangers used to call his sword? haha i was thinking of that today =)

xoxo
Renee